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About This

You've arrived at the homepage of Stephen Stewart. The archive is available here for those who want it. This site is happily hosted by Dreamhost. Click for more?

More!? OK then, but I can't help feeling that this will be a disappointment to you.
I work as a web designer in Belfast, and I live by the sea in a shoe. You can see me here, doing my livejournal pose as idoru called it. If you need to you can email me at carisenda -at- gmail -dot- com.

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Stephen Stewart carisenda@gmail.com

Donaghadee , County Down Northern Ireland

links to other people's sites

Recommended Viewing

300 †
Does exactly what it says on the (comic book) tin. Loved it.
Little Miss Sunshine †
Very funny, disturbing (the beauty pageant) and completely messed up -- but in a good way.
Laputa: Castle in the Sky †
Story great, characterization a little on the weak side -- though the big robots are cool.
Porco Rosso †
Stylish, funny, exciting.
Grave of the Fireflies †
Very sad, which was a little unexpected since I didn't know much about it before watching it. Can be a little too slow in places though, otherwise it's very good.
Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind †
The story can get a little dense at times what with the various factions, but still really enjoyable, inventive and engaging.
X-Men: The Last Stand †
Opportunity, talent, money - all blown. Over 3 films X-Men has hinted of something great that could have been, this last one says "No, sorry - not going to happen". Bah.

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Where's Marc?

Things get pretty quite when Stray Toaster goes on hiatus. I hope whatever the problem is it's soon resolved.

Elsewhere I was on full baby-sitting duties yesterday with David and Joshua, 6 months and 2 years respectively. The best entertainment of the day was to put Uncle Stephen's head in the door frame and repeatedly slam the door on Uncle Stephen's head. That got the most amount of laughs.

Yes I know, you've wanted to do that for a long time but no, you can't try it too.

5 CommentsMay 29, 2003

Lost & All Alone

I have lost my mobile phone. If anyone sees a wee mowbli running around in tears, confused and lost without it's owner, please stamp on it and put it out of it's misery, for I'm upgrading.

3 CommentsMay 27, 2003

Reloaded

I've seen the new Matrix film. Did I have a choice in seeing the new Matrix film? Would I have choosen differently had I know what I now know? Is my being at that cinema at that time anything other than the inevitable consequence of a million chemical reactions pre-determined at birth. Who am I? Why am I here? Do I really know Kung-Fu?

1 CommentsMay 26, 2003

Patsy Cline Sings Bloooo-oo-ooOOoo

If anyone can think of a good wedding poem your suggestions would be appreciated over here. (See? All the poetry moved to another place to please the naysayers. Heathens that you are.)

2 CommentsMay 26, 2003

Google doesn't love us anymore

My homepage, linked from nowhere (and not really my home page), is now ranked higher than my blog in a google search for Carisenda. Boo. Mr. Zawodny explains possibly why. If it is an effort to address the balance of power between the well linked & liked sites and the "well, we pay hard cash!" sites I think maybe Google is opening a gap it the defence for another young fast player to burst through.

Incidently I made a rash tackle on astro-turf yesterday and am missing a good portion of skin offa ma left buttock today.

Finally, is there any point in date categories, you know the pages with all your entries for a month/week/day? No-one uses them, they're hard to find content in and they take forever to load. Individual Archives, Categories and a good search function is the way forward I think. Any thoughts?

3 CommentsMay 25, 2003

The other place

This is why I enjoy watching BBC Parliament from the House of Lords.

0 CommentsMay 23, 2003

You sir, are a baboon!

Handsome fella isn't he? (I'll be so embarrassed if that's a she.)

2 CommentsMay 22, 2003

Richard Of York gave battle in vain

According to google, the most popular colours of the rainbow on the web today are:

The things you think of to avoid work...

0 CommentsMay 22, 2003

Hey Foxy Ladies

Hey ladies, did you know I'm ranked 5th under 'dead sexy' by Google? And so, a new chat-up line is born...

In other news a fox had the temerity to wander through my garden today in broad daylight (the red, furry, four legged kind). The beast had a certain insolent swagger about him, I reckon he'd just had his way with my neighbours hens. That would be no bad thing, there's a cockerel there I've wanted to shoot for months. Usually about dawn.

4 CommentsMay 22, 2003

Wholewheat, fresh bacon and HP sauce

Today I will try and complete this absolute monster of an application form that's been sitting on my desk for a week. 8 A4 pages long, plus a CV, plus a personal statement. It makes me want to cry, and it's due on Friday.

But not before I make myself a bacon sandwich, and warn you of the sex hungry Ulster girls (via MWK).

0 CommentsMay 21, 2003

Well Read? Me?

Of Larry McCaffery's "20th Century's Greatest Hits" I have read 1 and ¾. The Great Gatsby and ¾ of Heart of Darkness It has been pointed out to me before that I am not a great reader but I didn't think I was this bad, but I didn't even recognise half of those titles. Woops. Better visit the library. Or, I could go play tennis...

3 CommentsMay 20, 2003

Достоевского

The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering it's prisons.

Dostoevsky said that, or something like that. I'd say you can get a flavour of society by spending some time in a court room, which is easier to get into (and out of) than a prison. Though I think Dostoevsky was including the treatment of prisoners... aaanyway, court today was fascinating, sat for 2 hours and then the case was adjourned 'till next month. Pah.

I sat there people-watching, trying hard not to apply stereotypes (but some people are like walking caricatures, and I'm a pass-remarkable type of guy). Kids in for shop lifting, acting like they were the original Kray's. All shell-suits, medallion rings and baseball caps, their fantastically ugly women trailing behind. They're like lambs before the magistrate and their solicitor, helpless and scared, then once out the door it's back to acting the hardened crimminal...

0 CommentsMay 20, 2003

Fire, Police, Ambulance

Mozilla Firebird 0.6 (Glendale) - nice names, lovely browser. Seems even faster than v0.5 to this windows user.

I'm in court tomorrow, to appear as a witness before a Magistrate in relation to a car crash I was involved in last year. I get to say 'Your Worship' and swear on the bible, I'll ever be cross-examined. My very own episode of Murder One. Except no murder or jury or smart bald guy.

Frontline tonight was terrible. Domestic violence. Not good. Northern Ireland Paramedics, along with all the other emergency services, are real heroes.

2 CommentsMay 19, 2003

Mountainboarding

Dirt surfin' in the Mournes. Sweet! This post is an example of why I need a quick links or remaindered links area, the main post area being designed for content of a certain size...

0 CommentsMay 18, 2003

Abide With Me

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word,
But as Thou dwell'st with Thy disciples, Lord,
Familiar, condescending, patient, free.
Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Henry F. Lyte -- 1847

Wonderfully sung by Tony Henry at the start of the FA Cup, which, by the way, has a Northern Irelander playing in it Chris Baird. Unfortunately he seems to be playing for Southampton...

0 CommentsMay 17, 2003

FA Cup Final

Come on Arsenal! Everytime Ray Parlour gets the ball I'm calling him a donkey, because he seems to score when I call him a donkey. Henry has signed 'til 2007 - yay! And I hope this isn't Seaman's last game either.

Later that day... Boring, boring Arsenal!

0 CommentsMay 17, 2003

159grams of pleasure

In the beginning jealousy began with an Apple.

0 CommentsMay 16, 2003

Mightiest Of Spectacles

Lunch with MWK, tea with Tristan and supper with Emma & Dave; it's been a good, but wet, day. And the Barenaked Ladies have a weblog, which only adds to the goodness.

Typical comment thread on Slugger, sort of:

Scene 1: Valhalla. Streets paved with gold, wenches whencing, blazing sunshine, clear blue skies, birds tweeting in the air, Kirk Douglas plays with his hawk...

Enter BEOWULF to room full of Sluggerettes.

Beowulf: Nice day isn't it?
Sluggerette 1: No, it is not a nice day.
Sluggerette 2: No day in the six counties is ever a nice day until the last British colonist has set sail for Scotland.
Beowulf: But ...
Sluggerette 1: Blah blah blah jackboot blah nazi blah RUC/PSNI blah blah reality is blah mandate blah blah keeping the gene pool pure blah blah. Blah blah. Blah.
Sluggerette 1 & 2 will keep repeating initial statement, or a variation of it, ad infinitum.

This was funnier the first time, with more able comics around me.

11 CommentsMay 16, 2003

Dead Sexy

Necrophilia will soon be a crime in the UK. Dead people everywhere rejoice.

1 CommentsMay 15, 2003

The internet was made for...

Pie In A Jar. Flavours include Wild Huckleberry and Southern Pecan. That's one more item added to the birthday list.

Via The World's Greatest Connoisseur of Junk Food

7 CommentsMay 15, 2003

Jomo Kenyatta NBO

All UK flights to and from Kenya are to be suspended because of threats to British planes, the Department for Transport has announced.

BBCi News

That stinks. Terrorists stink. It all stinks. You gotta get to Tanzania now to get out or in. Two friends of mine are/were going out next month to Thogoto, this seems to have put the knackers on that. I also have friends who live there and are coming back to marry some other friends this summer - I really hope it's sorted before then.

I'll put some of my Kenya photos up soon, they're nice. Lions and lionesses having sex on the Mara for the tourists - ah happy days...

0 CommentsMay 15, 2003

More BlogShares

I now own a controlling interest in filchyboy | chronotope. I will now sack the staff and replace them with cheap Asian labour...

0 CommentsMay 14, 2003

The Beast of BlogShares

I'm warming to this BlogShares caper, it takes a bit to understand (not being a city trader myself) but it does become addictive. And there is now a Northern Ireland category, to add your blog to this you just vote for it (5th box down on your blog's page on BlogShares). I made that, you can suggest sub-categories of NI too, like say X-BlackStar for example.
The Northern Ireland category is 555. Well [puts on mask], if I'm 555 you're ...

0 CommentsMay 14, 2003

Dum De Dum

I'm just treading water with recent posts while waiting for my new scanner, then I can put up photgraphs of things. Can't promise it'll be any better than the usual moose here but at least it'll be colourful. I may get a scanner by the generosity of another, and that's why I wait. Patiently. Not putting the pressure on in any way publicly. No, not me, no sir. *tappidy tap tappidy tap*

1 CommentsMay 12, 2003

Cheap Cheats

Buy Leatherman tools at US prices with only $2 shipping at Cheap Cheats. Gotta use PayPal to pay though.
I bought a Crunch tool last year as a present for someone, saved me quite a bit on the prices over here.

0 CommentsMay 12, 2003

Blogmatcher

I'm in with an eclectic bunch for sure, including this blog which led me to some nice pictures at Edward Burtynsky Photographic Works, which led me to think that people shouldn't put so much JavaScript in web pages that don't need it, which led me to think that a good message can be ruined by a bad messenger.

0 CommentsMay 11, 2003

Banguru

Following earlier reports here's a picture of the crime scene.

1 CommentsMay 11, 2003

Northern Ireland Everest Expedition

"It's like a chess game," The Expedition leader Richard Dougan said.
"We move three steps forward, then two back, and one forward again. But all the time we are looking at our options and treating the mountain with the respect she deserves."

Yeah, there's a lot of that going around...

0 CommentsMay 10, 2003

Window Name

If you run MT's templates I think it's a good idea to change the name of the window that pops-up comments and such to something unique, like 'comments_carisenda'. That way when people read lots of blogs at once and click the comments section, a different window opens for each different comment section.


<script language="javascript" type="text/javascript">

  function OpenComments (c) {

    window.open(c,

      'UNIQUE_NAME_HERE',

      'width=480,--yadda-yadda--,status=yes');

  }

</script>

Personally though I prefer to do away with popups all together and just keep the viewer in the one page -- they can comment, or not, but continue using the site as before.

0 CommentsMay 8, 2003

Ping Frenzy

It seems to me people in the blogosphere like to know when a friends site is updated. So we create recently updated scripts, mine goes round looking at sites at a regular intervals and then sorts the sites by date - it's there on the left called 'Soup du Jour' (don't ask). So we have all these pings fired around asking "Have you updated?"
But wouldn't it be better if we had a little widget sitting on our servers listening for pings from our friends sites. So you ask your mates to add your 'recently updated ping address' to there MT config and whenever they post a ping is sent. So if they post once in a day one ping (or however many friends they have) gets sent, instead of 5 sites checking yours or my site 24 times a day.
The little widget then takes the ping info, whatever that might be, and prepares the newly sorted list of recently updated sites.

0 CommentsMay 7, 2003

Surf Girls

JonMc has peaked my interest. Reality TV may finally be about to pay off...

2 CommentsMay 7, 2003

Wiggle.co.uk

I've been using Wiggle for a year or so now and I have nothing but good things to say about them (well, they could use SGML character entities on the site and get rid of the frames - minor quibbles). They have a huge range of stuff for the bike and it's all really easy to find, nice discounts, and a free postage option for orders over £50.

For me window shopping for expensive lumps of metal is almost the best part of Wiggle, it's all so easy to find and fast - no search function but you'd never need it as items are well categorised.

Customer care is good too, all my phone calls have been dealt with quickly and correctly. Wahay.

0 CommentsMay 7, 2003

The Lockless Door

It went many years,
But at last came a knock,
And I thought of the door
With no lock to lock.

I blew out the light,
I tip-toed the floor,
And raised both hands
In prayer to the door.

But the knock came again
My window was wide;
I climbed on the sill
And descended outside.

Back over the sill
I bade a “Come in”
To whoever the knock
At the door may have been.

So at a knock
I emptied my cage
To hide in the world
And alter with age.

Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)

0 CommentsMay 6, 2003

Vengence is mine

I once knew a guy before any game of football would get himself in the right mindset by listening to Metallica. I believe the most popular album was 'Ride the Lightning' with The Call of Ktulu being the most effective track.

One day I watched him run across the 18 yard box to tackle some fella. It was obvious what was going to happen. 17 yard sprint followed by an adrenalin fuelled 3 yard leap and 2 set of studs powered through the outstretched shin of the attacking player. Practically broke his leg clean off.

It transpired there was some history between the two, and a third party, female of course. Nasty business all the same.

0 CommentsMay 5, 2003

HI NI IQ IN UK

Northern Ireland averaged the highest IQ in BBC's Test The Nation, again. Woo-hoo! We're just great we are! Last year Belfast was the top city, this year it was Derry (who actually came flat last the previous year, bizarre). So we have prettier countryside and smarter people, it's not fair is it?

My stomach, she rumbles, time for some food...

0 CommentsMay 5, 2003

Arsenal 2 - 3 Leeds

I feel a little sick.

2 CommentsMay 4, 2003

Big Numbers are getting smaller?

Do you know the difference between a novemdecillion and an icosillion? Try the Names for Large Numbers page. Discovering that the googol was invented for fun is perhaps evidence that there are people out there with less to do than myself.

1 CommentsMay 4, 2003

Damnation

My shade has been banished to the Seventh Level of Hell!

Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment.

Erm, it might be best if I wait till Judgement Day to explain why I ended up where I did. Why don't you try Dante's Inferno Test in the meantime?

0 CommentsMay 1, 2003

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