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Recommended Viewing

• 300†
  Does exactly what it says on the (comic book) tin. Loved it.
• Little Miss Sunshine†
  Very funny, disturbing (the beauty pageant) and completely messed up -- but in a good way.
• Laputa: Castle in the Sky†
  Story great, characterization a little on the weak side -- though the big robots are cool.
• Porco Rosso†
  Stylish, funny, exciting.
• Grave of the Fireflies†
  Very sad, which was a little unexpected since I didn't know much about it before watching it. Can be a little too slow in places though, otherwise it's very good.
• Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind†
  The story can get a little dense at times what with the various factions, but still really enjoyable, inventive and engaging.
• X-Men: The Last Stand†
  Opportunity, talent, money - all blown. Over 3 films X-Men has hinted of something great that could have been, this last one says "No, sorry - not going to happen". Bah.

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Christmas Dinners With Whom I have Known A Love Unrequited

For Moffett’s last day of work in the Secret Government Bunker we went for lunch in Speranzas. (Well, we went for lunch on Tao the day before for that as well but it seemed only right to have two last lunches for the boy.) In a previous life I worked in Speranzas, looking back those were happy times though maybe this glass I use a little too dark… anyway this is a Christmas Dinner Review not a trip down memory lane.

I think we’re getting close to a unified point scoring structure for Christmas Dinners - sprouts, roasties, mash, turkey, ham and stuffing — and don’t forget the cranberry — are essential if you are to even think about 5 stars. Experts argue about the details (chippolatas? dark and light turkey meat?) but the basics are well defined.

As even the trainee Christmas Dinner Reviewer can see Speranzas is missing the roasties. Now there was talk about the table of this being a 4 star affair, and certainly I was tending to low 4’s high 3’s, but when it comes to it I have plumped for a good solid 3 stars. Everything was good and I would recommend it to anyone, but you can’t miss the roasties and all in all I just feel more comfortable awarding 3 stars than 4.

0 CommentsDecember 24, 2005

Christmas Dinners I Have Known And Dry Humped

SWM enters stage right dressed in a full length red Jessica Rabbit style dress with industrial corsetry. Wolf whistles are heard from the crowd. The PA hums as SWM approaches the mic, a hush descends on the asembled crowd…

Christmas dinner at the Northern Whig - cost £12.95. However they have this strange thing of calling it ‘Turkey & Ham Dinner’, the waitress was a very hot dudette from Slovakia (oh yeah!!!) who pronounced ‘Turkey’ as ‘Toooorrrki’, very cute. Man was she ever hot… Anyway on with the dinner review:

The dinner is presented very well, the gravy was superb. The turkey and ham were also cooked to perfection, and the cream potatoes being the bottom layer was a genuis move as it soaked up all the flavor from the afore mentioned turkey and ham.

Now for the bad points:

1. No Roast Spuds. When I asked the hot Slovakian she noted that I could have got ‘Roast Spuds’ (man when she said spuds I wanted to propose to her….) but it would be a separate side order. I think this is an illegal move on the part of the Northern Whig.
2. Not enough vegetables. I love a plethora (I am not allowed to curse on this article, but please replace with my normal translation which might include the word ‘load’ at the end of it) of vegetables. Again you can order an extra portion as a side order.
3. Sage in the stuffing. Yes, I said ‘sage in the stuffing’. I don’t like sage in the stuffing, however I can look past this as I know I am in the minority here :)
4. No dry turkey (as in no gravy around it). There should always be a dry selection of turkey so you can assault your turkey slice with some cranberry sauce.

Apart from that it was excellent. A very well deserved 4 stars out of 5. What was there was excellent, I can live without an abundance (again replace with my normal translation) of vegetables, I can live with the stuffing being a bit soggy and tainted with sage, but I cannot - repeat cannot live with a Christmas dinner that does not come with roast spuds.

SWM: [takes camera out]
Mum: What are you doing? You cannot take a picture of the waitress!!!!
SWM: I am not, what do you take me for? I am going to take a photo of the dinner to put up on a mates weblog. He started of an annual ‘Christmas Dinner Review’. Its my turn today, and I have to take a picture of it.
Mum: Yeah, cos thats less pathetic and embarrassing!!

— SWM

5 CommentsDecember 20, 2005

My Weblog of the Year

For me, personally, the weblog I’ve most looked forward to reading all year has been Nelly’s Garden — so Nelly is my Weblog of the Year, 2005.

4 CommentsDecember 19, 2005

Christmas Dinners I Have Known But Never Made A Move On

Irene and Nan’s after a day out in the go-karts was the scene of the crime, a beautifully prepared Christmas Dinner tortured under the heat lamps in contravention of article 3.2 of the Geneva Convention.

I’d say this had the potential to go 4 stars — it would have lost the fifth on the strange occurrence of mint in the stuffing — but it was dried up like the Gobi and only narrowly beats the mess that was Ruby’s as a result.

PS. If during the nights procedings you find yourself talking to an attractive girl about the merits of HTML over Flash you know your life is over. Pack up and go home young man, that’s quite enough from you.

PPS. Our man in the field informs us that this meal is FOUR TIMES the cost of the Ruby’s One Star Affair, that would probably knock this down to ZERO stars if I had parted with my own cash for it.

4 CommentsDecember 17, 2005

Christmas Dinners I Have Known but Never Made it With

This is Andy Jaffrey reporting for Sesame Street News:

You know the old adage, “You get what you pay for”? Well, that was not the case with this 4 star offering from UUJ. £3.95 for the christmas meal you see before you, an extra £1.20 and I could have been the proud owner of a bowl of christmas pudding with brandy sauce.

The turkey and ham were perfectly cooked, parcelled together neatly over a generous helping of sausage and sage stuffing. The six sprouts, obscured in the picture, were soft and as tasty as any I have eaten before The creamed potato was as smooth as I could have hoped for, not a lump and with a few large dollops of butter, couldn’t have been tastier. Roasties were spot on, crispy on the outside and well cooked in the middle. Gravy did it’s job perfectly, plenty of it keeping the christmas dinner moist throughout.

So where did the star go missing? It was the carrots, I like carrots cut in to batons and the two big spoonfuls would have gained that star had they not been undercooked. I don’t mind a crunchy carrot, but these were just a little too crunchy. I heard rumours of staff dishing out extra large helpings with just the right amount of sweet talk. My banter which consisted of ‘first of the year and it looks great’ did not do the trick. On reaching the cash desk I was, like everyone else, presented with a christmas card from all the staff at the catering service.

So for those who wish to partake, and I do recommend you do, the christmas dinner can be purchased in canteen C in the student’s union building. Even with a quid for car parking, this dinner will cost you less than a fiver.

— Andy Jaffrey

0 CommentsDecember 8, 2005

Making Turkeys History

As you may or may not know the “Christmas Dinners I Have Loved…” series has been a world wide cultural revolution the likes of which this generation has never seen. As such in order to milk it as much as possible it has fallen under the larger corporate banner of ‘Make Turkeys History’ and Bob himself will be speaking on the issue soon enough, much to the delight of Ed. We have celebrity guest spots coming up in the “Christmas Dinners I Have Loved…” slot and we’ll hopefull have a few words from some well known turkeys in the run up to the Christmas Day so be prepared to have your socks blown clear off into the next field with media spectaculars and such.

Coming soon: Andy Jaffrey reviews the UUJ Christmas Dinner in “Christmas Dinners I Have Loved More than Buckfast” (title subject to change).

We’ve got banners, we’ve got zealots, we’re going to change the world.

5 CommentsDecember 7, 2005

Christmas Dinners I have known and not respected in the morning

Ruby’s American Diner on Linenhall Street, not my favourite lunchtime eatery in Belfast by a long way but it was close at hand and there was a sharp wind blowing down from City Hall so we nucked in there. Ruby’s is normally bunged at lunchtime but we managed to get a seat alright, everyone was having a right laugh at the notion I was going to photograph and document this meal — clearly a bunch of Christmas Dinner heathens.

Anyway, down to business, and I’m afraid Seasonal Turkey Related Meal fans it’s not good news. First off, lumpy gravy. I cannot abide lumpy gravy. Second, hard spuds, I cannot abide hard spuds. I won’t dwell on the mash — the sort of mash my dad makes because he thinks mash is really childrens food and not worth the effort — nor the eye I found in the mash (potatoe eye, not beastie eye) nor the fact that that succulent mound of turkey is 90% stufffing, nor even the chippolata which could have been used as a throwing star. No what I really wanted to mention was that they forgot the cranberry sauce.

<silence>

Yes, they forgot the cranberry.

17 CommentsDecember 5, 2005

Christmas Dinners I Have Known And Loved

First of all I hope no-one takes offence at me celebrating Christmas Dinners. I realise that millions of people die every year because they either eat too much or eat too little, some die just because they ate the wrong thing, some because they ate the right thing the wrong way, it’s a minefield really.
I don’t want to belittle the pain that any of you are feeling by trivialising the eating of food but I think we maybe need a break from the relentless pain and misery of life, the genuine heartache and pain that some people might feel about some things having actually been through some of those things, maybe we can just celebrate some of the good things — after all they are few and far between in this life.

To the point. I will try and document my Christmas Dinners as we lead up to the main event, The Stewart Family Christmas Dinner. Hopefully we can learn something from it and maybe I’ll get to publish a paper in a journal somewhere. Who knows.

Our first candidate comes from Donaghadee Garden Centre, and is represented below:

Let down by meagre spud portions and ham that was a little over-cooked this example of Christmas Dinner still rates quite highly with the judges because the turkey and ham are delish, as are the sprouts. The spuds are great too, just not enough of them (this is Northern Ireland, get with the spuds).

The cost was about £9 not including that nice pear drink thing, so pricey enough.

4 CommentsDecember 4, 2005

Word hunt

Everyone knows that the English language is far an away the most superior language on earth with it’s collosal vocabulary and ability to evolve. However I have just now isolated an event which results in a failure of the English language. To wit: from the BBC:

Granting amnesties to British soldiers and security agents will cause deep hurt to victims of their alleged crimes, Sinn Fein has said.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t understand politics. When I look at the things politicians do and the things that political types discuss I have no clue what they are trying to achieve (other than maybe the flattering of their own egos).

Anyway, swallow hard Gerry (and I hope it chokes you), what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

1 CommentsDecember 1, 2005