Christmas Dinners I Have Known And Dry Humped
SWM enters stage right dressed in a full length red Jessica Rabbit style dress with industrial corsetry. Wolf whistles are heard from the crowd. The PA hums as SWM approaches the mic, a hush descends on the asembled crowd…
Christmas dinner at the Northern Whig - cost £12.95. However they have this strange thing of calling it ‘Turkey & Ham Dinner’, the waitress was a very hot dudette from Slovakia (oh yeah!!!) who pronounced ‘Turkey’ as ‘Toooorrrki’, very cute. Man was she ever hot… Anyway on with the dinner review:
The dinner is presented very well, the gravy was superb. The turkey and ham were also cooked to perfection, and the cream potatoes being the bottom layer was a genuis move as it soaked up all the flavor from the afore mentioned turkey and ham.
Now for the bad points:
- No Roast Spuds. When I asked the hot Slovakian she noted that I could have got ‘Roast Spuds’ (man when she said spuds I wanted to propose to her….) but it would be a separate side order. I think this is an illegal move on the part of the Northern Whig.
- Not enough vegetables. I love a plethora (I am not allowed to curse on this article, but please replace with my normal translation which might include the word ‘load’ at the end of it) of vegetables. Again you can order an extra portion as a side order.
- Sage in the stuffing. Yes, I said ‘sage in the stuffing’. I don’t like sage in the stuffing, however I can look past this as I know I am in the minority here :)
- No dry turkey (as in no gravy around it). There should always be a dry selection of turkey so you can assault your turkey slice with some cranberry sauce.
Apart from that it was excellent. A very well deserved 4 stars out of 5. What was there was excellent, I can live without an abundance (again replace with my normal translation) of vegetables, I can live with the stuffing being a bit soggy and tainted with sage, but I cannot - repeat cannot live with a Christmas dinner that does not come with roast spuds.
SWM: [takes camera out]
Mum: What are you doing? You cannot take a picture of the waitress!!!!
SWM: I am not, what do you take me for? I am going to take a photo of the dinner to put up on a mates weblog. He started of an annual ‘Christmas Dinner Review’. Its my turn today, and I have to take a picture of it.
Mum: Yeah, cos thats less pathetic and embarrassing!!
— SWM
«5 CommentsDecember 20, MMV»
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I work as a web designer in Belfast, and I live by the sea in a shoe. You can see me here, doing my livejournal pose as idoru called it. If you need to you can email me at carisenda -at- gmail -dot- com.
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Some subtle re-editing…
(man when she said ‘Yeah, cos thats less pathetic and embarrassing!!’ I wanted to propose to her….)
Dude, too far.
I apologise. It was tasteless and didn’t belong on this here website.
It’s much more in keeping with the tone of me own webshite.
I heart swm’s mum.
Well, I’ve Deliberated, Cogitated and Digested…And Come To The Conclusion….man you can turn a ‘turkey and ham dinner’ into a mouthwatering experience. i’m lovin your writing.